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“Look, I guarantee there will be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is going to want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you’re the only one for me.” – Richard Gere’s character in the movie Runaway Bride on ‘the perfect proposal’.
Too many couples nowadays head towards divorce even though truthfully speaking, the marriage they had could have been worked on. That line above captures the exact feeling of being in a serious relationship and marriage. That at some point or another, there will be times when either you or your partner will feel like giving up. However, a lot of couples ended marriages before really, really trying to fix the issues at hand. We understand there are certain circumstances when ending the relationship may be the best decision to take, for instance, if there is abuse present, whether physical, mental or emotional. Not only will you be saving yourself from a very dangerous and potentially life threatening situation, but you will also be saving your future children from pain.
What we want to discuss in this article is about relationships where both couples are good for each other and are compatible but they give up when they are supposed to push on through. It is normal and in fact healthy to have bumps in the road within your relationship. It is normal to have disagreements and to feel disappointed at times, that is just part of trying to make two people mesh in a relationship. When we start to perceive conflicts or frictions as a bad sign or reasons for us to rethink our commitment to our partner, we simply will not stand a chance to make ‘forever’ become a reality. The first thing we would suggest couples do in order to save their marriage from going kaput is to have the mindset that conflicts are a part of being together and should be welcomed with open arms. Because when you see conflicts as a trigger for you and your partner to grow and be better as a couple, you will be more likely to actually fix them, than allow them to fester and be reasons to leave.
Once you have that mindset locked in, the next thing you can do if there are conflicts is to speak up about it and be honest with your partner. A lot of unsuccessful couples choose not to bring up things that bothered them in the hopes that their feelings will change or their partner will somehow know. We are meant to ‘work together’ in the marriage – help one another understand how each other are feeling. You want to bring up things to the surface before they grow into resentment and anger. And you want to do it in a way that allows your partner to know that the reason you are speaking about it is only because you want to make things better. That can only be done when you communicate with respect. That should be the point of talking things through – to come to a solution, not to nag or criticize as that will only lead to an unproductive fight.
We completely understand the feeling of wanting to just give up and not have to deal with all these issues in the relationship. But, the one thing we can guarantee is the fact that once you do get through the bad together, your relationship will only get better. You have to do that because marriage cannot just be about the good times – the ‘bad’ times are what will make you appreciate your marriage and see the good in the first place. But, this can only be the case if you work through them together and choose to not give up, even though you really want to. If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again, right?