Let’s be realistic here, when you are in a relationship – it is inevitable that fights happen. Whether often or not, they happen. And you know what? It doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. Fights can be there to bring both partners even closer together. Yes, fights can be good too! But the important thing is: HOW. It is in the “how we fight” that can determine whether you grow stronger as a couple or grow further apart.
How can we fight so that something good and useful could actually come out of it? What are some of the things we need to avoid and steer clear of when we fight and what are some of the things we need to do more of? Let’s go through this list, shall we?
Respect each other in the good and in the bad.
It will be a lot easier to fall back into the flow of romance when respect is there even during a fight. This can be done by avoiding the use derogatory words just for the sake of saying it or because you felt like it at the time. Once you start to personally attack your partner – you move away from the purpose of arguments and you end up creating more damage than there needs to be. Show your partner the same respect during a disagreement as you would any other time and you will save a lot of unnecessary heartache.
What are you really fighting for?
You must remember why you are fighting with each other in the first place. The point of a fight should only be because you both actually want to make things work. And in order to make your relationship work – a solution must always be present. Begin to see fights as you and your partner’s opportunity to discuss ways that you both could make the relationship better. When a solution is the result of every fight you and your partner have, you both will inevitably grow closer and stronger as a couple.
Speak from your heart – how do you feel?
Instead of focusing too much on talking about what you said, or what they did and how that made you angry – instead, talk about how you felt at the time. The “facts” are always debatable, what you cannot argue with however, is you and your partner’s feelings. Communicating each other’s true feelings will help you both come to the root cause of the problem. As most often than not, it is never about what your partner said or did but about how they made you feel.
Once you and your partner are used to speaking this way to each other during a fight, the effort of staying alert and respectful even when you both are angry at each other will save you both a lot of heartache and resentment. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain when you begin to fight fair.
Love,
Butterfly
